lasy day of yr 2005..
tml is a new year..
a new beginning?

the year of 2005 like a lot of things happen..
everything seems to pass so fast..
had a great day today ba..
it would be better if char and nora were there ba..

actually this holiday really make me known to a lot of things..
i learnt that..

NUMBER 1 :
work that deals with people is never easy..
in the service line..
is never fair..
customers are always right..
and because of some pathetic money..
we have to accept..
accept whatever they say..
we cannot do anything but to stand there to let them scold..
the table might be toppled over if the boss were't there..

NUMBER 2:
i learnt to be more reliant..
my life has to revolve around my own world..
i cant possibly live a life revolving around the happiness of others..
however life would be a bonus with the great friends in my life..
c.i rocks..
this holiday i also know that bball also quite important..

NUMBER 3:
i learnt to control myself a lot..
though very angry at times..
but i am able to calm myself down..

NUMBER 4:
i also noe that...
friends are one of the few treasures that we are able to find on earth..

now i recieved the msg..
but i cant even bring myself to ask for permission..
cos i know what answer i will get..
but i really wanna go!!


the grass is always greener on the other side..
this may seem to be a simple sentence..
but it contains a lot of chim-logy inside..

kind of feel bad these days..
cant possibly split myself into two..
wait till school reopens..
i will fill up those days i have missed..

puzzles are not meant for me..
i need a lot of clues before i get to the answer..

mayb my wish have came true..
but it wasn't part of my wish..
to see any other to be chosen..
this was a very selfish wish..
but i am still confused..
why is it four or fourteen..
i am just a selfish me..
but one still has to go..
anyone would be hurt..
just because of the other 12..

why is it four?
possess a good spirit
can penetrate..
can shoot..
run..
but why..
i don't see any problem for her to play..
but since this choice has been made..
i think it comes with a very good reason..
dun ever give up on yourself and bball..
cos failure is never fatal..
success is never final..
just keep on play.
you will find the joy in it..

hmm..
goood match today..
well done everybody..
nice smack from nisa.
and a great slap by me..
ha..
shut off the crude mouth of no.4..

HOHO. merry christmas.

played bball this few days.
but dun think my shooting ever improve.
ah..
what happen to my shootin..
i dun wan to be kick out.
i dun wan..
this is my wish for christmas..
and my wish may either come true or not on tues..
please grant me this simple wish..
please..


what i want is just go out with my frens.
how long has it been since i last saw them.
and that was because i had tution.
if not when was the last.
i think it was when once upon a time.
u just wanna cope me at home.
for what.
neither do i talk nor i laugh.
i just face the computer and the tv set.
and even my handphone screen.
being unhappy.
so why dun you let me go out.
i'll make sure i am happy.
is my presence in the house of any importance.
no what.
i just merely stay at home to watch tv.
play computer.
so does it make a difference if i go out.
i don't sense any difference eh..
NVM.
i just do my stuff.
any thing that will keep me occupied.

tues.
i am very worried.
speaking and thinking of it.
makes me very scared.
i do not wish to let down those tears.
i just wanna play on.
i really like to play basketball.
ah..

i am really very sad . argh . though its ok . but i really very sad . how can i play like last two days . ah . i cant just stop at the last few hurdles . i hate this feeling . i wan to shoot . somebody pls come help me . ah . i am just so sad . hais .


just felt like blogging early in this morning . seriously my mood is quite low . it just can't make me forget how badly i have played for the past two days during the matches . air balls and more air balls . where are the usual chops and why have i stop to qie now . why . its like so near to the tournament . and now i start to fear . fear what exactly . just go in and play my game . run . qie. defend. shoot. i cant even play well . the opponents can't possibly eat me up can they . so what is it that is stopping me . stopping me from allowing me to take my shots . CONFIDENCE . i got it all lost . its gone . and i also found out that now my shooting has a higher angle . mus try to shoot like before . i want . i want to get into team . i wanna play well . can you just gimme another chance . another chance to prove that i can do it . mayb till bedok green that match . during this few days . i will find back whatever i need . i dun wanna be stop on tues . tues u shal decide one member to be kick out . i . i dun wanna be the one . 2 months wasted just like that . i dun wan!!
sorry team . i will erase this few days of memories . and be back to myself . so please gimme some time . i wan to play well . but actually just wanna say . good game ytd . esp kellie and nisa .

now i am really scared . free jersey . i dun wan . all of us train hard . not bcos of the jersey . but for a place in the team . CONFIDENCE ah CONFIDENCE . i am on my way to look for you . so please dun wanna too far off . cos i am afraid that i cant find you on time . i can't give up . i told myself that . daring to play . dare to shoot . go on court and have fun . dun be so tense . i can do it . so believe in myself . i can do more than this . pls .buck up .

actually nothing much to say..
but just very disappointed of myself..
really very disappointed..
dunno what am i doing today..
did so badly during match..
i felt as though i dunno how to play bball..
i shoot air ball!..
where's my confidence..
the 2 mths of hard work..
will it go down the drain..
today's match with dunman high..
is so horrible..
i agree..
todally agree with what joey said..
if only some players are working hard..
while the others are not giving their all..
its not enough..
cos basketball is a team game..
allow the team spirit to be in the air!
let us..
find back the usual way we play our games..
and win every games we play..
though the team is not really close..
but we can all see..
its building up..
the bond, the encouragement.
the obstacles we all faced together..
the bad times and the good times..
now that there's two injured..
and one sick..
we must still continue to work hard..
cos the tournament is just a month away..
just a month..
to determine the fruit of our labour..
jiayous everyone..
b'girls '06 fight on like never before..
we can do it!

this is what i feel..
once a creature, always a creature..
of course..
its not that u are forgotten..
your place is never replaced..
but however..
there's no common topic.
the atmosphere is quiet..
and i must say..
its different as before..
however no matter it takes..
even it takes a long time..
but i think is worth to build it up again..
as long as the spirit never dies..
as long as the heart and soul is still there..

duno why..
feel quite salty..
at the moment..
ok..
now i cant walk properly..
the behind of my knee there..
always have a sharp pain if i let my leg out straight..
think is ytd that match..
during training.
went all out to save the ball.
in the end pulled that vein or smth..
duno..
den now cannot walk properly..
limping all the way..

ytd was our bball bbq..
was quite fun eh..
i mean the preparing part..
but now i hate one thing..
chicken wings..
i mean chicken wings which are RAW..
hate that man..so er xin that smell.
but the experience was not bad thou..
haha..
then we did pancakes..
nono..
it was waffle...
not bad eh..
we made alot of improvements.
and finally the waffle became nice..
and finished very fast..
but although ytd was bbq..
but felt that bbq was not the main thing..
i think it was not bad cos..
it provided us with a time to get together..
learned how to play bridge..
with those seniors..
funny..
played bball.. with b girls..
sec1s.. and sandy and joei.
very funny..
barbara was so amusing..
practically no words to describe her..
ha..

saw smth yucky..
but nvm, forget abt it.
i sort of..
sort of starting to have one feeling..
quite a strong one..
i miss c.i.

practically lose track of time..
one week just pass so fast..
recently like everyday also got nightmare..
always landing myself in harry potter land..
with those evil witches..
ms selva was one of them..
oh..
scary..
and ytd dream..
i shook hand with derricK!
but after that was very scary..
but dunno, i forget wat happen in the dream..
i just wanna noe if is true..
there is this angel or smth that eats pple's nightmare away..
cos they feed on nightmares..
thats why we cant rmb our nightmare clearly..
but rmbs our sweet dreams very well..
i saw this cartoon on tv..
found it like quite true..
so just wondering if is real..
hahaz..

waiting for a mahjong session..
inform me when u are ready..
ha..
see ya..

i dunno wat to say..


HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEXIN!!

had training today..
was very tired la..
wake up so early in the morning..
reach school..
everybody was as tired..
laid on the bench and fall asleep..
den coach came..
talk to us abit..
den we ran the usual..
10 rounds.. around the school?
no no.. AROUND THE COURT..
gosh..
everybody was like so happy can..
sing happy birthday song while running those rounds for joey..
den did 3 sets..
shoot 50 balls..
den talk abt set plays.
revise it..
den that's all for the day..

but i was tired la..
lack of sleep..
so din wanna go kex house..
paiseh ah..
if go there, later go home..
no time sleep..
paiseh ah...
hah..
eh happy birthday hor..
bigger liaos eh..
must be a GREAT wise gorilla..
and pls do achieve ur aim..
to be the BIGGEST gorilla..
best is if u are like the KING KONG in the movie..
big big..
the bigger the better..
haha..

lastly.. happy birthday..
to my father..
haha..
today a lot pple birthday..

went for training today morning..
ran 7 rounds..
eh today training not as tough..
but i feel very tired eh..
my eyes keep wanna close..
den feel like dozing off..
and my shooting..
argh..
was so bad..
and i say wrongly..
i only shoot in 30 for the 2nd time..
but i miscount..
den say 40..
then after that was like thinking..
i thought i shoot very badly..
why stilll got 40..
den liddat sure is i count wrongly..
think when i count 20 smth that time..
den jump to 30 smth..
no suicides for today..
barbara was sick today..
baoxian's ankle sprain..
nisa working..
so 10 pple..
and now..
peiying is injured..
sprain her ankle today..
when playing match..
joey tap the bball off when she is doing lay-up..
den she suddenly just miss her step..
and slip and fall..
den sprain..
gosh..
so tml only 9 person lo!!..
and tml is ONLY B' BIRLS ONLY!!..
so..
we will get "special" attention sia...

after that, went mac for lunch..
saw sandy..
went over to kexin's house..
grace, char, jac were there too..
den played dai di..
and our photography lesson..
jac bought choco..
then we started discussing abt the *chee-king* stuff..
it was simply confusing..
kex's mom cooked chicken chop..
but i hadda chee-king liaoz..
but ate half of it while i was leaving..
IT WAS NICE!..
and i really like the dog beside kex house..
very cute and white..
haha..
not exactly white..
but i like it..
i swear..
i will surely have a pet dog or cat when i grow up..
cos they are really cute..

tml having training again..
early in the morning..
nxt tues is our bbq..
think it will be not bad?..

hahaz..
yoO..
i change my skin..
i change it myself!!
great hor..
hahaz..
found other skin also very nice..
next time change..
cos now nothing to do liaoz..
can afford to spend time on my blog..
i solemnly announce that i have DO FINISH MY HMWK!!..
so happy can..
a load off my back..
yes!..
so happy..

stayed at home whole day today..
tml morning got training..
den mayb go out?
dunno..
cos still owe tingying eh...
and ITS TIME TO CELEBRATE..
tml is 15 DEC..
my deadline..
and i managed to finish my hmwk before it..
so clever..
i feel so proud of myself..



ha..
went to do my i.c. today..
hahaz..
phrase i.c opposite..
what do you get?
hahaz..
c.i. thats right!
hahaz..
being lame right now..
dunno why...
today i feel happy..
sort of very happy..
i think i noe the reason..
hahaz..
and i think..
c.i really rocks..
hahaz..
this is what i really wanna say..
"C.I., everyone of u all rocks..!!"
my life will be incomplete without anyone of you all..


ha..
was really busy this few days..
but nevertheless..
i think i enjoyed this 3 days..
at least all 3 days saw c.i peeps..
thurs went moo house..
fri went moo house also.. but kex and grace was there..
that was really fun..
and funny..
hahaz..
today went with kex to jurong east..
for our slimming plan..
hahz..

actually i hope..
to see yall come see the tornament..
ha..

Hmwk:
1. chem
2. a maths
3. a bit of chinese
----------------------
nothing to do now..
so sian..
tml i will have a nice workout..
and feel more refresh ba..


ha..
agree with moo..
always sort of depress to see "-creatures inc.-" (0/8)
aiyo...
i forget sia..
forget that u all are having tution tonight..
thought of coming online excitedly..
but only to see a 0/8..
nvm bahx..
concentrate do hmwk..
i have set myself a target..
to finish my hmwk by 15 dec..

den have 2 weeks plus to play!!..
and have lots of fun..
wish fri or sunday come quickly..

okaes..
happy today..
although not to do..
but i did hmwk..
2 english papers
and commonwealth essay..
and now i going to complete my journal..
so that means i am left with..
a mountain of hmwk..
hahaz..
at least some ice on the mountain have melted la..

leftovers:
-half of a-maths..
-some e-maths questions
-chinese comprehensions
-chem(all)
-physics(all)


Feelin quite sick..
dunno why..
head feel very very heavy..
serious headache..
tired..
home alone..
nothing to do..
sianned..
dun like this feeling..
why now blogs all cannot function
nvm..


i am using the msn space as another alternative..
so..
think i might be using there alot..


am i being selfish or wat..
or am i person who rmbs only wat other pple did wrongly..
mayb its only for u..
u bring me so much sadness..
and i really hate you..
but.. its only when i see those things that make me rmb it..
how can u snatch it away lidddat..
i was really scared at that time that i wud lose it too..
cos i have lost smth similar already..
u make that holiday for me to be sad..
already 6 months but i still can't forget..
hyprocrite..
however now..
i got back those things i have lost..
but i still blame u..
cos it really meant a lot to me..
many things will be even better than now..
if u did not came into the picture..
and i have been thinking..
wat was i thinking and doing..
for the 2 yrs..
to be so blind..
i have wasted so much so much..
everything will start anew as froom now..
i will nv allow pple to take things that meant alot to me away..
cos i already have the ability to protect myself..
and now i wan to protect things that meant a lot to me..
a new biginning..
where it all begins...
for a brand new beginning..
for hopes and joys..
and laughters for all..
its nv too late to join the party..


everyday must be a happy day..
hahas..
but it would be a bonus with some right pple around..
dun underestimate yourself..
who do we live for..
do we live for others..
and because of others..
i think is we wei wo men zi ji er huo..
but to be happy..
we also need the presence of other people..
aiya..
duuno la..

monkey see monkey do..

S.H.E album is nice..
nothing do much also..
sitting in front of this comp..
to wait for a pop up..
waiting by my phone..
to wait for a sms..
waiting by phone..
to wait for a phone call..
sitting around..
to wait for a miracle..

its really right..
tml, i will enter the war front..
to fight war...
to fight this war..
because i wan to win it with zhonghua b'girls..
to win it..
we must be willing to die for it..
jiayous..

whenever i look at those photos again..
i got this feelings again..
i always got this repeated feelings..
the feeling of hatred..
and unfairness..
you steal it away!!

hahaz..
i must get use to it soon..
must work hard for anything i wan..
cannot take things for granted..
everything has its value..
nothing is worthless..
and useless..

If ur happiness does not come from within..
is it really happiness..
�����ֲ����ֲ�����Ϊ�Լ�
den is this really considered as happpiness..

i have an answer..
shouldn't be so attached..
it will not do any good..
without any other things bothering..
this will bother..
wat if..
its time for separation..
everything will come to an end..
so BE PREPARED..
if money is really wan neng..
why can't it be exchanged for happiness..

there's so many stars in the skies..
look hard and u will find one that is yours..
a star is just like a friend..
u dun get to see it often..
but knowing that it is always there..
is it really true?