TIRED..
eyes tired...
stomach is so full due to some external factors..
eg.. anger..
hahahz..
hope tmr is a better day...
see ya..

SOON..

unimportant..
who cares..
just so invisible thou..
so big but yet so small..
heck..


why would i be scared of u..
hahahz..
i just was wondering wat other problems u might face..
haha..
see, no nightmares..
my nightmare that day was waking up late..
and going to trainings late..
and being punished..
now all my nightmare become related to bball le..
either running suicides..
or getting up late for trainings..
or the nightmare i hated a lot..
having the glass cracking..
and leaving one by one...

we all know..
and we all can see..
but everybody is keeping their eyes close..
just to leave the crack widening..
going thru weathering..
the recurrrent freeze thaw action..
will make the glass to weaken and break aparts..
why?
we all treasure this bonding of the glass..
but when we see this hole appearing..
we just dun care..
dun wan to think so much abt it...
does it really help...
and why..
why the cause of this hole does not stop..
and makes the hole bigger and bigger..
why dun it stops..
dun u get tired after rubbing against the walls of the glass so long..
even causing there to be hole..
living in a "holy" glass..
but i hope...
it is non-holy....

i cant pretend as if nth has happen..
i really cannot forget..
now i understand how moO felt that time..
mayb i am just a bad bad person..


i am very scared..
cos i think i have commit a grave mistake..
really..
i think i am reallly sorry..
but at the same time i wanna find out more..
i dun wish things to turn out liddat..
but i am scared..
haish..
I AM SORRY..
i think i shud tok to u..
cos i am worried..
really..

argh..
i am just so bad..
i am a bad person..
i am up to no good..
argh..
please do not get angry..
but i am really SORRY..

first match..
first defeat..
but i dun think we have lost..
cos we did'nt lose to a team...
a team which have a foul attitude..
and make use of their seniors to win us..
teams there to compete use this yr sec 2 and 3..
but they still use their dear sec3 and 4..
no point to win this competiton anyway..
use seniors is alright la..
but pls show some sportmanship..
basketball is not a game for pple whose mouth is filled with filthy stuffs..
but most importantly..
is not that i dun recognised they have win la..
their win is a fact..
but we didn't lose to them...
we are not defeated by them..
WE ARE DEFEATED BY OURSELVES..
I AM DEFEATED BY MYSELF...

just too disappointed..
i can see the disappointment in everybody..
we put in so much effort during trainings..
for us to win others and defeat them..
NOT for us to be defeated by ourself..
if we are defeated by our opponent..
at least we have tried our best..
but if we are defeated by ourself..
its really..
not worth it..
we must have confidence in ourself..
why do we train so hard for?
why...?
ask urself..
to win..
not to lose..
and definitely not lose to ur ownself..
just because we got no confidence..
and no fighting spirit..

what happen..
we lead in the first place..
lead so much.. 14-0...
but why..
why still no confidence..
and we lag behind..
and we lost...
28-44..
things really make a lot difference...
B'GIRLS BUCK UP..
WE CAN DO IT..
WE MUST HAVE FAITH..
FAITH IN OURSELVES..
and we shall WIN all the way..

but i am really disappointed..
cos i am really thoroughly defeated by myself..
its not i cant..
is bcos..
the mindset..
which pulls me back..
i nearly.. and was on the verge to pluck up my fist..
but i held back..
cos i thought of u all..
i cant do such things..
it isn't right..
if pple are bad..
its their fault..
but i will be my fault and be equally bad..
if i did more than i shud..
SORRY...
i must be mad....

zero idea of wat it is all abt..
i cant comprehend..
and i am lost..
keeping silent..
if is the best way out..
and only using the net to vent those thoughts..
with some alienic language..
then do not stop..
keep on moving on..
but most importantly..
must be happy..

mayb (g)jes is a hope..
the hope to be placed side by side..
after undergone it..
i will be able to give wat it takes..
to get rid of those shadows..
and continuous dreams that sweats..
i will provide the security..
u will not nid to worry..
even losing urself in the progess..
and in the pretence to be happy..
time will be back to normal..
even if the world collapse..
there will always be someone there..
to hold on..
乌云在我心里搁下一块阴影
两行泪只求我的眼泪
我要的只是你在我身边
but i noe is not possible..
so just be happy
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有..
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛
如果你快乐再不是为我
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛
我不怕千万人阻挡
只怕自己投降
我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望.....

ming yun zhang wo zai wo men de shou li..
so whether wan to win or not..
its in our hands..
make the right choice..
and choose it right..
jiayous..

yeahs..
later going to watch harry potter le..
actually haven read finish the boook..
so also dunno later wat can be expected..
susprises are good sometimes..
a while more need to go le bahz..

tml there's match..
against naval base at 5pm..
hope can take revenge..
must revise the set plays..
must not let them win easily..

jiayous..

c.i-

expect the unexpected..
great dreams bring about disappointments..
by then..
i guess..
its only left with a few..
people will be too busy..
and it ends up with none..
a hope too big might end up to be a day so so bad..
the light to allow me to live thru my dreams..
willing to sacrifice..
but afraid that this sacrifice will cause my misery..
misery will stop the heart beating..
only..
only the chosen one has the power..
only you can dig it up again..
dusting away the misery and sorrows..
and make it beats once again..
yearn to hear my heart thump..
and feel it jump..
its the day i shall be revived..
and feel myself again...
but..
you chose to be so cold..
hmm....
bad begets bad..
good begets good..?
its still a big question mark..

today looking for flyer distribution work..
den looked up newspaper..
called companies..
but it was like either very far..
or timing not right..
cos this week shudb quite free..
next week sure got job..
so now i wan do flyer job..
is easy and fast money..
dunno la..
main aim not say wan earn money..
but is like..
can have money and let time pass faster..
so dun mind lo...

See.. so shuai..
i also quite support william..
ahhahaha..
i all also support..
and now..
i will start to like green..
cos see..
its really nice...

Sugi.. very cute... and friendly!!
he's my idol...
other than derrick..
sugi cutest..


be the person who u think u are..
is not sighs that affects so much..
but it is nothing..
the emptyiness..
it leads to a greater sigh..
a sigh which means failure..
as i noe..
i have failed..
noce again..
failed to gain trust..
and open up..
the ever quiet and silent mine..
as it still remains unbroken..
i can nv open it..
even though i tried very hard..
opening the mine..
unleashing the power within..
but i can never do it..
if the mine doesn't wish to allow me to do so..
mine mine..
open up...
nobody can help..
if it doesn't wanna help itself at all..
decide it urself..


i didn't noe..
it affected so much..
i didn't bother muuch..
but actually..
its true..
ya..
friends who are really close..
but keeps things to themselves..
doesn't mean they dun trust each other..
it just mean a thing deeper..
Its all about us..
its all about caring..
thinking for each other..
everybody has their sets of troubles..
but everyone will like a pair of listening ear..
sometimes..
keeping silent..
cos dun wan others to worry..
but sometimes..
it also makes others worry more..
this is called friends..
having life revoving something is not a bad thing..
at least u have an aim..
a goal in life..
is better than aimlessly..
but we can't over rely..
cos we will not noe how to react when the reliance is gone..
however..
if the reliance is worth the reliance..
wat i wanna say is..
dun worry..
2141 is worth the revolution..
things wun fall apart..
cos even if anything crops up...
i noe..
and i really hope..
u all will be there..
always there..

dun say sorry again..
to me this word.. sorry..
is only for pple..
who aint really close..
so i dun like to hear it..
for every mistakes done..
its not sorry that will do the job..
only pple who ain't close
choose to use this word..
to solve things..
i feel..
there's a sloution to every problem..
so make an effort to solve it or to salvage the situation..
and sorry alone doesn't help..
not saying sorry..
but having actual actions to show that u have known ur mistakes..
will be a better way
i dun like to hear "sorry"..
from 2141..
cos..

2141 means ALOT to me....

first day at work..
fun experience..
kids are so cute can..
the way they tok..
ahhh..
so funny..
actually its really fun..
first two hrs just sit there fa dai..
and u get $7...
hahahz..
although its quite busy after that..
but busy is a good thing ma..
and is fun.. really..
i dun mind working sia..
can make me practise..
den i dare to approach pple more..
pple even come ask for my opinion sia..

although i dunno how to take measurement but act like i know..
den anyhow say 28..
den the girl try..
just nice..
so zhun..
hahahz..
actually really is a god experience la..
and somemore..
got pan wei bo..
hahahz..
there is this guy that really look like pan wei bo..
just cover his mouth..
den look exactly liaoz can..
but pan wei bo more shuai..

life isn't as simple as we think..
but..
have a positive thought..
tml will be a better day..
just overcome today's hurdle..
and tml will come like a breeze..
hehes..

the way u look..
the way u sing..
the way u smile..
the way u tok..
just rock..
n stay happy..

waited aimlessly..
no matter how long..
even though its difficult..
or how torturing...
i will wait..
cos my only hope..
my only motivation...
comes from within...
without it
i may not be the person i am now..

the way u look..
the way u sing..
the way u smile..
the way u tok..
have da dong my heart....
i will support u forever..
renfu rocks!

oh..
today's training was ok...
though i still tired at first..
but after that..
more and more rest..
den less and less tired..
den started to feel hungry..
hahahz..
me, kel, clar, xy, eileen.. one group..
practise that drill..
1st time i feel i practise drill serious sia..
hahaz..
cos normally too tired le ma..
actually giving us more rest..
is also better lo..
as least we can be more energetic..
den can absorb more..

for eg today..
we learn better den play better ma..
so conclusion..
it is also good to have more breaks..
xui xi shi wei le zhou gen yuan gen chang de lu...
get it..
hahaz..

now.. here..
i also wanna really thanks..
kex, char, grace and mh..
really wanna thank u all for everything..
if it wasn't for u all..
i wun be able to convince myself to go on..
ur encouragements..
really cheer me on..
i will think of wat i shud do and not do..
because i noe even though u all said u all will always be there for me..
but i cant possibly make wrong choices..
and think that u all will support these wrong choices..
so..
i will nv think of wanting to escape..
cos its wrong..
and i shouldn't..

hhahahahz..
dunno why today actually quite happy..
hahaz..
if today is forever.. den its great?
mayb
hahaz..
but mayb tml will be better..
food will be my motivation..
or rather..
meeting up will be my motivation..
yeah..
jiayous..
we can do it..

I MISS CREATURES INC.!!!!!
fanatically...


todays ma birthday..
happy bithday looo...
ate lei garden today..
all i can say is that i am overwhelmed by the GOOD service..
extremely fantastic..
food is also very nice..
but one can of coke cost..$4..
this goes together with the good service bahz..

thought of coming online..
cos i hope to see ci online..
cos i really miss them..
but haish..
they are not around..
i really really miss c.i.
so many days nv see them ler..
ytd was not counted..
cos i only barely go kex hse to sleep..
that's all...

argh!!..
trainings.. trainings and more trainings..
this is wat i chosen..
i cannot give up now..
now bcos of this..
haish..

I MISS YOU ALL..

So..

the next time..

no matter wat..

or watever it takes..

no matter the consequences...

i will show up..

just wait for me..

wait for me...

guess i am really very lazy..
actually didn't feel like blogging der..
but aiya...
3 days nv blog so come blog lo..
hahz..
actually also no mood come online..
now almost everyday come home so tired..
dun even have energy to move...
how to come online..
only able to force myself to watch full house..
haiyyo...
really nth much to say..
too busy to have any time to sit down to talk..
not to even think abt other things..
except only things that affect greatly at the moment..
i really hope i can pull thru..
i can surpass mysef..
i can have a breakthru..
just focus...
and do not think negative first..
if things do not go right..
think of how u can make it better the next time..
hmm......
tml ending at 11.30am..
3 hrs before training....
hope things go on well..
wish for happiness for all..
------------------------------
don't wish to feel those tears anymore..
i hate the feeling of losing..
not bcos i am defeated by others..
but being defeated by myself..
--------------------------------
this is wat i read from comics..
"Don't you find it a waste to give up only at the last hurdle..
where u have already past the others...."
so....
hang on..
although its tough..
but its worth it...
at least give a shot..


was kind of lazy..
dun feel like blogging..
cos like a bit no use...
but now still decided to blog bahz..
hahaz..
ytd had cip..
small kids were cute...
was at bishan..
with grace and jac......
den was so happy and glad that my tin was half full.....
very proud of myself sia..
hahz..

met with anna..
went airport..
actually real person is really nicer than in picture...
found energy they all very shuai..
aztually didn't like them..
but i cud feel my heart pound..
felt that i was alive again..
hahahz..
a bit kau zhang..
saw F.I.R also..
and tong en......
---------------------------------------------
thanks to anna...
hahaz..
really very fun..
yeaps..
will really perk you up..
and make u happy..
hahahaz..

yo..
hmm.
jiayous..
it's nth..
i can endure it..
hopefully..
ha.


hhaz..
cant figure out
and dun wish to figure out..
will be wasting a lot of brain cells..
sometimes..
not knowing is better than knowing ma..
hahahz..
i tried and tried..
but still cant la..
like wat is said..
things will be known if the party is willing to tell..
guess is better this way..
dun nid force pple..
guess this is better..
but just rmb..
i will always be there if a listening ear is needed....

went kexin house there ytd..
was just in time for the food..
hahz..
stupid eh..
said grace..
and wat was grace...?
"YOU NEED MORE EXERCISE!!"
where did u all ever get such grace..
hahaz..
probably from joanne..
this was wat she tell me after so long when she saw me agn..
wat a great friend huh..
hahahz...

today collected..
jay chou's...
november chopping..
a Looooooooooooonng qeque indeed..
hahhaz..
tml school..
after that training..
i wish tml canteen got more stalls open..
please..
hahaz..
got more variety ma..
mon is like a bit pathetic..
so........
open more stalls better..
haha

------------------------------------------
i am lousy at breakin codes..
driving me crazy..
guessed i am not up it..
hahz..
hey pls agreee..
K-BOX for thurs....
i wan to break the glasses!!!..

---------------------------------------
lastly..
happpy birthday.... to you